Counting my blessings as I approach 60

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First of all I want to thank every single person who has supported, encouraged, discouraged, read, approved, disapproved and commented publicly and privately, followed etc, on my previous posts.  My journey of letting it all out.  A purging of the past.  Without you it would have been a very lonely journey.

All previous posts have been deleted.  That book is closed.

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” It is difficult for people with a crushed spirit to fulfil their destiny in God because of all the lies and wounding that are affecting their ability to hear and know God. For our purpose and calling under God, is intimately tied up with our spirit”. Peter Horrobin

This year we were fortunate to be invited to attend a discipleship course, Freedom in Christ.  Using scripture to give us the tools to overcome strongholds that prevent us from growth.  To build us up and set us free.  Tools we will be using for the rest of our lives.

Now we are on week 11 of Ellel 365a personal transformation online course.  Personally, I wish I had known about it years ago, it is enlightening and life changing.  From my husband, a Christian, writer, pastor, preacher, theologian….. “fantastic“.

Ellel has been life saving as far as I am concerned.  Diagnostics and treatments abound. Personally, I have been delivered from soul ties, generational curses, prayed over, and found to have been born with a fractured spirit (the poor counsellor  was in tears when she relayed that information to me).  To be told by those who have, over the years, counselled, listened, and treated many, that you are the most broken person they have ever known is somewhat frightening, an acknowledgement that my past is a heavy burden and I should be thankful I have survived albeit not very well.  Battle scars abound.  But not to dwell on those things, and to seek healing to enable growth is the stance I choose to take.

Acknowledgement and accountability standthe past has afflicted much, but the future is bright and I am thankful (most of the time).

Today, as I write, I must acknowledge that I still struggle and probably always will, but God alone is my comforter and as I lean on Him more and more I know I will struggle less.  So thankful for all my friends…those who have been loyal through the years and for the new ones I am making through a new fellowship.  Betrayal leaves you phenomenally insecure but learning to trust is part of the future.

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It is about finding the way to allow the truths of His promises to sink deep into my spirit and heal the fractured part of me which does not allow me to grow or move forward.  It is being self disciplined in my responses when hurt or confused.  It is about trust in Him in all things.

Thankful for my home, food, clothes, car to get me to church and visit friends, computer to enable me to do courses and communicate, but more than that, church, friendships (old and new), family, dog, a safe place to express myself (England) and last, but not least, my husband.  This man came into my life at a difficult time and has remained through difficult times, promises to stay no matter what the future brings and has loved me through it all. This man says, when I collapse under the weight of the pain of the past from time to time, “it’s you and me against the world”.  Assurance that no matter what he won’t let go.  Thank you Lord for your provision.

I am so thankful for the reconciliation or reconnection which has taken place with one of my children and her family.  There has been much misunderstanding and misinterpretation.

To have rekindled a relationship with my mother and to have received her forgiveness and to receive her admission of guilt and an apology was a huge release.

There is a long journey ahead and many, many hurdles to overcome.  I will find my way around those mountains that will not be moved!

“The Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”
Isaiah 52:12, ESV


God always provides.

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6 Comments

  1. One small step at a time and therefore making steady progress, rather than rushing in seems to have worked Amanda. I rejoice that you have reconnected with members of your immediate family, hopefully more happiness is coming.

  2. Thank you Shelagh. God is good.

  3. A moment of breakthrough into freedom is on the way. But as always, with the divine zapping and instant stuff, there is always the daily need to press in, fight on and persevere.
    You are now surrounded by people who love you and will see you through the whole raft of issues. It is so sad that some who have knowledge and should understand more have actually increased the pain and fracture while healing goes on. It is a Godly thing to seek and desire peace. It takes both sides to make a true and real reconciliation. God have mercy on us all.

  4. Thank you and Amen.

  5. I really needed to read this. 💜

  6. Bless you Diane, glad to know it might have helped. Keep up with blowing that horn from the top of the mountain 😉 It may sound melancholy some days, but count all the joyful ones only.

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